Well, it's been 7 months

When I started, I believed that I should be where I wanted to be st six months; I know lots of people who've lost more weight than I have in this amount of time. I'm feeling like an underachiever, and I hate that. I want to have all of the excess weight gone now.

I still have to really try to say something nice when I look at a photo of me. I'm very harsh with myself; I know that, and I'm trying to get better, but my first reaction is crushing.

I still look as huge as a house to myself.

For that reason, you're not getting a close-up, clear photo of me in my workout clothes today; you're getting the artsy, darker, smaller, looking-into-the-sun-so-you-can't-really-see-me-very-well one. Isn't the garden pretty?

I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel good when I look at a picture of myself. Oddly enough, the mirror is starting to be my friend; I don't hate what I see in the mirror anymore, so that's a step in the right direction. I'm hoping that it really is true that the camera adds fifteen pounds, and that what I see in the mirror is more truly a reflection of how I really look.

I know I'm smaller. I've lost more than 10 inches in each of the crucial bust/waist/hips measurements, and my legs and arms are also much slimmer and trimmer than they were six months ago. But I'd still like to lose another 5-6 inches from each spot, especially in the bust; I tell myself that my big bust is the reason I look so huge in photos, and it might actually be true.

It's frustrating sometimes, but I'm still at it.

Nice way to start the day

I spent the morning out on the porch, stripping off lemon verbena leaves, loading up the dehydrator, and feeding the blue jay peanuts.

Sometimes I really love my life.

Yes, it's a lot of work to grow and process so much of our own food; some of the tasks are back breaking, and performed under the hot sun, but some of them are totally delightful. This morning was one of the most delightful ones; I took my dehydrator trays out onto our lovely shady back porch and slowly filled up all six with lemon verbena leaves. In between stripping off the leaves, I tossed peanuts to our resident blue jay.

We haven't taken the time to tame this one; this has been an extraordinarily busy summer. But he knows how to call to us when he wants peanuts, and we toss them out for him. He has no problem swooping in and picking them up; he hides them all over the yard, mostly in the lawn.

Next winter, when I'm sipping hot lemon verbena tea, I'll remember this morning.

Lost . . . and found

In many ways, this has been a year of loss for me; some of the losses have been necessary and good, some of them have not.

I was raised to believe that "no one wants to hear about your troubles;" and while I do believe in the power of positive thinking, and the importance of attitude, I have also come to the realization that there are times when I need the comfort of knowing that people love me, even when I'm hurting and sad. I don't think I'm alone in that; I think we all need to be reassured that we're still loved, even when we're not particularly lovable.

"She's just doing that to get attention. Don't give it to her."

How many time have we heard that, or said it ourselves? How many times have we felt resentful towards the people who are doing that to us - or hurt by the people who think we're doing it to them? How can we tell the difference between a play for attention, or a real need for love?

I'm good at asking questions; I don't have any answers. But, lately, I've been coming to the conclusion that it's important to honor our struggles. It's important to validate other people's efforts, and to mourn their losses with them. We all need to be told that it's okay to hurt; that we don't have to keep all the pain inside.

Pain happens; hurt happens; loss happens. I think we need to let ourselves pay attention to that; we don't have to give ourselves over to it, and we shouldn't let other people's trouble overwhelm our lives, but if we can stop for a moment, look someone in the eye, and let them know that we care, we should.

I know how much that has meant to me this year.

Month five check in

The novelty has certainly worn off; I'm getting used to having sore muscles, and I'm starting to get grumpy about it. At first, I was sort of excited about it; I have muscles, who knew? The fact that they were sore meant that I was getting stronger, and what's a little pain compared to that? After all, I have a mantra: no hurt, no mini-skirt.

Well, that worked for the first couple of months.

Not so much, anymore. There is, of course, the very real possibility that I'm overtraining just a little bit; I tend to overdo most things, so it wouldn't really be a surprise. I've decided to stay at the weights I'm using now until I can do the exercises fairly easily; I'll sacrifice a bit of muscle growth this month in favor of feeling less pain. I don't like to admit it, but I'm not a kid anymore. I just don't recover quite as quickly as I used to.

I'm determined not to get discouraged, however; I'm not giving up. I'm getting close to my goal, and it's more important to make this something I can live with than it is to get there fast. Of course, I'd like to have both of those things happen, but I'm very aware that if I don't slow down, I will eventually talk myself into giving it up, and I certainly won't get there without it! So, slow down, I will.

Can you tell that I don't like having to slow down?

Just for fun

Today, I decided to decorate some earring backings. I love the feathers in my hair, but they're fairly subtle, and sometimes I want to be a bit wilder.

But not every day.

So, instead of putting these larger, brighter feathers into my hair, I attached them to some butterfly earring backings. As long as you can crimp (and, for some reason, today was not a good crimping day for me, I ruined several crimps before I got them right) you can make these fun earring backings, which can be worn with any of your post earrings.

1. String a crimp bead on one end of your beading wire, and add one or two feathers under the crimp so that feathers are going down, and the beading wire going up. Crimp. Trim off any excess feathers or beading wire. If you're a neat freak, or a bad crimper (like me!) add a crimp cover.

2. String on an accent bead, and as many seedies as you like to get the length you want. I might go longer next time.

3. String a crimp bead, and go through one of the little curls on the earring backing. Leaving the beading wire loose enough for movement, go back through the crimp bead and several of the seedies. Crimp and trim off the excess beading wire.

4. Wear!

This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to decorating earring backs; attach chain with a jump ring, make beaded fringe or string beads to match your favorite earrings. The wilder the better, I think.

If you decide to make some, I'd love to see your photos! Please share them with me on my Jewelry Tales Facebook page. If you're not already a fan of my page, you will need to "like" it before you can add a photo.