In many ways, this has been a year of loss for me; some of the losses have been necessary and good, some of them have not. I was raised to believe that "no one wants to hear about your troubles;" and while I do believe in the power of positive thinking, and the importance of attitude, I have also come to the realization that there are times when I need the comfort of knowing that people love me, even when I'm hurting and sad. I don't think I'm alone in that; I think we all need to be reassured that we're still loved, even when we're not particularly lovable.
"She's just doing that to get attention. Don't give it to her."
How many time have we heard that, or said it ourselves? How many times have we felt resentful towards the people who are doing that to us - or hurt by the people who think we're doing it to them? How can we tell the difference between a play for attention, or a real need for love?
I'm good at asking questions; I don't have any answers. But, lately, I've been coming to the conclusion that it's important to honor our struggles. It's important to validate other people's efforts, and to mourn their losses with them. We all need to be told that it's okay to hurt; that we don't have to keep all the pain inside.
Pain happens; hurt happens; loss happens. I think we need to let ourselves pay attention to that; we don't have to give ourselves over to it, and we shouldn't let other people's trouble overwhelm our lives, but if we can stop for a moment, look someone in the eye, and let them know that we care, we should.
I know how much that has meant to me this year.
7 comments:
So incredibly true, Cynthia. It's meant a lot to me this year too, and you were one of the people who really kept me going. :)
Great post and so true. Glad to have found your blog via Eva!
I'm not sure what's causing your struggles and sadness, and I apologize if I've ignorantly missed it among your recent blog posts. However, our interactions I've never known you to be the type to complain just to get attention. On the contrary; yours is one of the most supportive voices that I've met in the beading community, and you deserve that same support through whatever struggles you're facing. So, complain all that you need to to ease your pain; you've more than earned it.
Thank you!
I've shared the good losses, like losing my bad eating and non-exercising habits, but not so much the more unpleasant ones. Old habits die hard, and I was raised to keep my troubles to myself. :)
It has just struck me lately - with force! - that sometimes we all need a little extra bit of attention in order to keep on keeping on. I was raised on the credo that "seeking attention is a bad thing," and at the ripe old age of 53, I'm questioning that.
It's been that sort of a year.
Thank you for a thoughtful and compassionate piece. I'll never accept the concept that all things happen for good, but I believe that some good can come out of even the most horrible experiences.
I understand how it is not always easy to share the bad stuff. But sometimes we need to 'vent', so the bad stuff doesn't fester. I sincerely hope you have a friendly pair of ears in your life.. that person you can vent to. No responce or reply needed.. just ears to hear you, and arms to give you a hug afterward.
I believe every word you have written to be true. If we don't acknowledge our sadness or hurt, it could lead to even more trouble than what we started with. I have come to understand that acknowledging my own struggles and hurts only stretches me and helps me to also understand the hurts of others. Compassion. Thank you for your post - and I pray that you also be victorious over your own hurts and pain this past year.
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