Monday, August 29, 2011

Well, it's been 7 months

When I started, I believed that I should be where I wanted to be st six months; I know lots of people who've lost more weight than I have in this amount of time. I'm feeling like an underachiever, and I hate that. I want to have all of the excess weight gone now.

I still have to really try to say something nice when I look at a photo of me. I'm very harsh with myself; I know that, and I'm trying to get better, but my first reaction is crushing.

I still look as huge as a house to myself.

For that reason, you're not getting a close-up, clear photo of me in my workout clothes today; you're getting the artsy, darker, smaller, looking-into-the-sun-so-you-can't-really-see-me-very-well one. Isn't the garden pretty?

I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel good when I look at a picture of myself. Oddly enough, the mirror is starting to be my friend; I don't hate what I see in the mirror anymore, so that's a step in the right direction. I'm hoping that it really is true that the camera adds fifteen pounds, and that what I see in the mirror is more truly a reflection of how I really look.

I know I'm smaller. I've lost more than 10 inches in each of the crucial bust/waist/hips measurements, and my legs and arms are also much slimmer and trimmer than they were six months ago. But I'd still like to lose another 5-6 inches from each spot, especially in the bust; I tell myself that my big bust is the reason I look so huge in photos, and it might actually be true.

It's frustrating sometimes, but I'm still at it.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Nice way to start the day

I spent the morning out on the porch, stripping off lemon verbena leaves, loading up the dehydrator, and feeding the blue jay peanuts.

Sometimes I really love my life.

Yes, it's a lot of work to grow and process so much of our own food; some of the tasks are back breaking, and performed under the hot sun, but some of them are totally delightful. This morning was one of the most delightful ones; I took my dehydrator trays out onto our lovely shady back porch and slowly filled up all six with lemon verbena leaves. In between stripping off the leaves, I tossed peanuts to our resident blue jay.

We haven't taken the time to tame this one; this has been an extraordinarily busy summer. But he knows how to call to us when he wants peanuts, and we toss them out for him. He has no problem swooping in and picking them up; he hides them all over the yard, mostly in the lawn.

Next winter, when I'm sipping hot lemon verbena tea, I'll remember this morning.