Monday, August 29, 2011

Well, it's been 7 months

When I started, I believed that I should be where I wanted to be st six months; I know lots of people who've lost more weight than I have in this amount of time. I'm feeling like an underachiever, and I hate that. I want to have all of the excess weight gone now.

I still have to really try to say something nice when I look at a photo of me. I'm very harsh with myself; I know that, and I'm trying to get better, but my first reaction is crushing.

I still look as huge as a house to myself.

For that reason, you're not getting a close-up, clear photo of me in my workout clothes today; you're getting the artsy, darker, smaller, looking-into-the-sun-so-you-can't-really-see-me-very-well one. Isn't the garden pretty?

I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel good when I look at a picture of myself. Oddly enough, the mirror is starting to be my friend; I don't hate what I see in the mirror anymore, so that's a step in the right direction. I'm hoping that it really is true that the camera adds fifteen pounds, and that what I see in the mirror is more truly a reflection of how I really look.

I know I'm smaller. I've lost more than 10 inches in each of the crucial bust/waist/hips measurements, and my legs and arms are also much slimmer and trimmer than they were six months ago. But I'd still like to lose another 5-6 inches from each spot, especially in the bust; I tell myself that my big bust is the reason I look so huge in photos, and it might actually be true.

It's frustrating sometimes, but I'm still at it.


Amy said...

You look pretty healthy and trim to me!! Congrats on all your progress! But, that being said, I know how you feel. Right now I am 18lbs than I was at my wedding less than three years ago (the last time I had a working knowledge of my weight). And if you want to push that further, I am 30lbs heavier than I was before I became pregnant with my son (10 years ago)....and today I all I want is to get back to my pre-wedding weight..even though when I was that weight I felt like that wasn't thin enough, and I wanted to be at my pre-pregnancy weight...and I remember during those adult years, I wanted to be at my high school weight, yet I remember all through high school feeling fat! What a joke! I am glad I can see that now, yet, I keep wondering if/when I get back to my pre-wedding weight(and I am on my way), will that be good enough? Or will I still berate myself!?! Sorry for the long-winded comment - I just wanted to drop a note of complete understanding!!!

Cynthia Newcomer Daniel said...

That's exactly it! I was underweight as a teen, I don't want to go back to that, but somewhere along the line, gaining weight stopped being a good thing for me. I think it's really hard to see ourselves accurately - I was shocked when the doctor gave me my weight number last January; I really didn't see myself as being that heavy.

And now, of course, I'm probably seeing myself as heavier than I am.

Releases by Rufydoof said...

Well I think you look damn fine from over here! Well done on persisting with it though. I've been on my little weight loss path for about 12 weeks now. Unfortunately I've been sick the last two weeks so haven't been running as I just get too short of breath but I am still eating healthily. I think the good thing is that I am looking forward to exercising again and getting back into the routine. It's so easy to just fall back into old habits.

Keep up the awesome work!


NEDbeads said...

You're lovely - and I know exactly what you mean about photos, as I am like that myself. (Hence the lack of a photo anywhere on FB of me.) I am quite a bit heavier than you are, Cynthia, and I look at you and think how slim and pretty you are. I know that doesn't ever touch our own self-image... but I am so glad (and slightly in awe) that you have been able to tackle it and feel like you are making progress.

Cynthia Newcomer Daniel said...

Thank you, Karyn and Nancy. I know that I'm my own worst critic - I think we all are. We're much more tolerant and accepting of others than we are of ourselves! I'm trying to focus on health rather than looks, but in many respects, I'm very vain - I want to look good!