However, I'm good at brave. I'm brave nearly all of the time. You see, brave is going forward in the face of fear; brave is doing things even when you're terrified. Brave is living tense, squaring my shoulders, sticking out my jaw, and moving forward.
But brave isn't going to work this time. I want to sing. I want to sing as well as I possibly can, and that means being relaxed. It means letting go of my fears; it means being fearless while doing something that terrifies me.
I don't know how to do that.
I'm not just saying that; I really don't know what it feels like to be fearless. I've always lived in varying states of fear; I've always been brave to some extent or the other. It's not as grim as it sounds; it's the way I've always been, so I know how to deal with it. I'm actually reasonably comfortable with fear; I've grown very used to being brave, and being brave doesn't scare me.
Being fearless does frighten me, however. It's not something I have any experience with, it's not something I know how to do. It's uncharted territory for me; it's a new experience. I'm afraid of trying it, but I will be brave and do my best to sing without fear.
I just wish that wasn't such a contradiction of terms.
3 comments:
Very thought provoking as I deal with fear a lot too. May you one day sing in a gloriously fearless voice! :)
Oh, Cynthia!
This makes so much sense! Yes, we get used to our fears, and used to being brave in spite of them.
But to be fearless ... That takes a different kind of courage.
Imagine that your voice has become your set of wings, that it can carry you over your fear.
Go for it!
Mary Alexander
You are more than brave - I've said so before, but I will say it again, here... you are courageous. You will achieve what you want to with your singing - because you dare!!!!!!!! All my love and every best wish you could ever wish for someone, Cynthia.
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