Where did the week go? I blinked and it was over. It seems like it was Christmas Eve just yesterday. But it's been a week, there's no getting around it.
It was mostly a quiet week; the last week of the year is generally one I spend in contemplation, thinking about the year that is ending, and the things I want to do differently in the coming year.
This year, I want to laugh more; I want to let go of things that make me sad, and focus on happy things. It should be a very easy thing to do, but for some reason that I don't really understand, it's harder than it should be. Some of the sad things have acquired such importance; letting go of them is scary.
But let go, I will. I intend to enjoy this next year; I intend to laugh, love, and let go.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Another Christmas Eve
I'm slowly finishing up the last of my Christmas Eve preparations; the gifts are all wrapped and under the tree, the sil (pickled herring) has been transferred to a pretty bowl, and next I will put the homemade candies on the dessert tray.
Then it will be time for me to get as beautiful as I get; I love to get ready slowly on Christmas Eve. I will indulge myself with scrubs and lotions, leave behind my jeans and tank top uniform for an actual (gasp!) dress, and put on a pretty pin, handmade by a friend of mine, the artist behind McLain Jewelry.
You may wonder why I buy jewelry when I make it myself; I buy it because I love having things that my friends have made. The pieces I buy are special to me; when I wear them, I feel especially close to the friend who made it. Handmade items are like that; they carry a little bit of the maker wherever they go.
I hope that wherever you are, you are with friends; in spirit, if not in the flesh.
Then it will be time for me to get as beautiful as I get; I love to get ready slowly on Christmas Eve. I will indulge myself with scrubs and lotions, leave behind my jeans and tank top uniform for an actual (gasp!) dress, and put on a pretty pin, handmade by a friend of mine, the artist behind McLain Jewelry.
You may wonder why I buy jewelry when I make it myself; I buy it because I love having things that my friends have made. The pieces I buy are special to me; when I wear them, I feel especially close to the friend who made it. Handmade items are like that; they carry a little bit of the maker wherever they go.
I hope that wherever you are, you are with friends; in spirit, if not in the flesh.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wanting
The other day I posted a resolution:
and I came face to face with the fact that the word "want," has quite a range of meaning. It can express desire from a whim to an aching void; it can be used in the context of an order of french fries or a heart's desire.
For a very long time, I have been in want of something that is out of my ability to achieve. It has been a deep hole in my life; an aching emptiness that I am unable to fill. My wanting has not made it happen; my wanting has only made me sad. I haven't wanted to give up that wanting; I wanted to hold on to it. Although it has made me miserable, I did not want to let go.
And then, suddenly, I knew I must. Why now? Nothing changed; my want is neither nearer nor further away than it has ever been; it is still something I would prefer, but it is no longer a deep, aching, empty lacking. I don't want it that way any more; I want peace and happiness more, so I have let go of it.
We don't always get what we want.
Today, I resolve to let go of the things I cannot change; to let go of the things I want to change; to live with things as they are, without waiting for them to change.
To live with them without wanting them to change.
and I came face to face with the fact that the word "want," has quite a range of meaning. It can express desire from a whim to an aching void; it can be used in the context of an order of french fries or a heart's desire.
For a very long time, I have been in want of something that is out of my ability to achieve. It has been a deep hole in my life; an aching emptiness that I am unable to fill. My wanting has not made it happen; my wanting has only made me sad. I haven't wanted to give up that wanting; I wanted to hold on to it. Although it has made me miserable, I did not want to let go.
And then, suddenly, I knew I must. Why now? Nothing changed; my want is neither nearer nor further away than it has ever been; it is still something I would prefer, but it is no longer a deep, aching, empty lacking. I don't want it that way any more; I want peace and happiness more, so I have let go of it.
We don't always get what we want.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A walk on the beach
My husband and I took a lovely walk on the beach this morning. We stopped at a little outdoor cafe for muffins, juice and coffee; and, after snarfing down our muffins, we sipped our beverages and meandered along the coast.
I know, I know; there's a blizzard on the opposite coast; a couple of years ago, we would have been there, all bundled up and shoveling snow, instead of walking by the shore wearing nothing more than jeans and T-shirts.
How lucky we are to live in an age where transportation makes the world accessible. I feel so much richer for having lived in so many different places; I am able to appreciate things on so many different levels.
It feels so good to set down my burden of stress and pick up gratitude instead.
I know, I know; there's a blizzard on the opposite coast; a couple of years ago, we would have been there, all bundled up and shoveling snow, instead of walking by the shore wearing nothing more than jeans and T-shirts.
How lucky we are to live in an age where transportation makes the world accessible. I feel so much richer for having lived in so many different places; I am able to appreciate things on so many different levels.
It feels so good to set down my burden of stress and pick up gratitude instead.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
I'll admit it; I've had a hard time getting in the spirit this year. The last four years have been rough ones, and I finally realized that, oddly enough, I've gotten so used to being under stress that I think of it as a normal condition. I need to re-learn how to live!
And what better time than now?
Today, I resolve to let go of the things I cannot change; to let go of the things I want to change; to live with things as they are, without waiting for them to change.
To live with them without wanting them to change.
It's a tough resolution; I expect to have problems keeping it. But I need to reduce the stress I've been living under and find my happy happy joy joy. I need to focus on what is good and let go of what isn't.
It's time for a rebirth.
And what better time than now?
Today, I resolve to let go of the things I cannot change; to let go of the things I want to change; to live with things as they are, without waiting for them to change.
To live with them without wanting them to change.
It's a tough resolution; I expect to have problems keeping it. But I need to reduce the stress I've been living under and find my happy happy joy joy. I need to focus on what is good and let go of what isn't.
It's time for a rebirth.
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